A Little Effort

It always boggles my mind how factions of our society love to gravitate towards the great unwashed.

We’ve got grunge, self-made Mohawks, piercings in every lobe and orifice and tattoos up the yin-yang. Jeans are falling off of our asses and everyone’s idea of dressing up is putting on your “good sweatsuit.”

Whatever happened to the suit and tie? And I’m not talking about borrowing your dad’s double knit horse blanket and novelty tie when you go for your job interview at Wal-Mart. I’m talking about tailor made, fine quality wool with three button front closure and a double vented back with matching pants. Something by Kenneth Cole or Hugo Boss. Add on a fitted Domani Blue Label dress shirt and Bulgari silk tie. Put on you oven mitts, ladies, ‘cause I’m on fire!

Back in the day, men wore suits and ties all the time. Check out all the classic films from the 40’s and 50’s. Jimmy Stewart, Burt Lancaster and the god-among-men Cary Grant. These guys had style, class and dignity, even if their characters were down and out and down on their luck. They may have felt bad, but they looked gooooood.

Dressing up is a sign of how you view yourself. That you care about the world you’re in. And you want to project the best image of yourself to that world.

Granted, it may not be practical in this day and age for a young man to wear a suit every day. What with all the…video-gaming and text messaging and emailing they have to do. A man works up a sweat.

I admit, right now, I qualify as the world’s worst dress guy more days than not. Many is the time my sweaty, rag-tag ensemble looks like I’m just wearing laundry. Like I dove naked into the Salvation Army bin and popped out looking like an ad for color-blindness. But I do like dressing up for special occasions. It not only makes me feel good, it’s a sign of respect to those who may have invited me to the function. Even for these special events, people don’t take the time to dress up anymore. Weddings, funerals, baptisms and birthday parties, people now forgo the Donna Karan and the Armani for panda bear appliqué sweatshirts and pajama bottoms.

A few years back I watched the funeral for Ronald Regan on television. Now bear in mind, I don’t hold the old geezer in high regard. As a matter of fact, I put the oil and real estate crisis squarely in his deregulated, doddering lap (more on that in another rant). But hundreds of people who did admire him waited for hours in the June heat to be part of the procession that walked by his casket. And what did I see in the throngs of reverent Americans? Sweat suits, windbreakers, flannels and faded jeans. These dunderheads supposedly held the President in high esteem and this is how they show it? Go back to the 60’s and look at the footage of Kennedy’s funeral; suits and ties all around. Hell, back in the 60’s people wore suits and ties to football games. Now that’s class.

The one that cheeses me off the most is the “Biker Grunge” look. You know, that leather-bound, goateed, bandana-headed sweat-bag that likes to adopt that American Rebel image. Yeah…real rebellious. It’s rebellious to go down to the Harley-Davidson shop and pick through the thousands of different shirts, jackets, pants and headbands, all with the same logo and color scheme. It’s easy to be a “rugged individualist” when millions of other folks are doing the same thing. Oh, and don’t forget the Harley booties for the baby.

Wouldn’t it be great if the dress-down trends started to reverse? People would actually be caring and investing in their appearance? The Green Bay Packer hoodies and Tommy Hilfiger sweat pants would be gone from Sunday Mass. Students would be milling around campus in Pendleton sport jackets and blazers instead of cargo shorts and retro t-shirts. We could turn on the tube and see Lil Wayne, not in fallen ass jeans and tons of tacky bling, but in a sharp button-down Claiborne with a silk Perry Ellis shirt. People would start to feel good about themselves. They’d say hello to strangers on the street. Hold doors open for others. Give up bus seats to little old ladies. Do constructive things like read, write and get together with folks, not to waste time and get hammered, but to get to know one another and get involved in things like community garden planning or movie clubs or night classes. People would volunteer for Meals On Wheels and food pantries. Crime and suicide would go down. Self esteem and self-empowerment would go up. Am I living in a fool’s paradise? Maybe so…maybe so. But it’d at least be cool to try, wouldn’t it?

This happened where I used to teach once. I wore a suit and tie to work because I had a bad head cold and I felt like a walking human booger. So I dressed up to make myself feel better, and it worked. So I started doing it every day. My co-workers noticed and over the weeks and months other guys started wearing suit coats and dress shirts. We felt better about ourselves. More on top of things. More respected. More in control.

Now I know what you’re going to say, Hey man, I can’t afford to just go out and buy a suit. I don’t have that kind of money!

I went on line and checked prices. Average for a two-piece Perry Ellis, Kenneth Cole or Giorgio Fiorelli? About $120.

How much did that last X-Box game set you back, Gomer? SNAP!

I’m Anthony Wood. I’m angry. And my inseam is 37.